It’s Valentine’s Day 2013, I’m reminded of a small silver charm in the shape of a heart with an arrow that spun around stopping near the words: no, maybe, yes. I was about 13 maybe. I’m now 59, the same age my mother was when she passed away. That gift touched me, I don’t recall getting any other Valentine’s gift from my parents; I wish I could ask her why that year?

J.A.Kashmann, photo

It pleases me that I had this fond memory, yet I feel sorry that I didn’t know then what I’ve come to know now. I would have had more tender moments with my mother then; because I would not have judged her so negatively. I would have known how detrimental that is to a relationship. I would have felt compassion instead. I would have known why she said the things she said so her words wouldn’t hurt me. I would have known why she did the things she did so her actions wouldn’t hurt me. I would have known that her words and behaviors came from how she thought about life and things, and I wouldn’t have taken it all so personally.

If my mother had known about the 3 Principles she would have recognized that her own thinking was causing her anguish and then she would not have lashed out at me. She would have known to quiet her mind down before speaking to me. Had she understood the nature of thought and reality explained by the 3 Principles, she would have been more compassionate and understanding with me because she would have known that my words and behaviors were the result of my insecurities. People change from the inside-out as their understanding increases; I’ve witnessed it in myself and in my clients and colleagues. Behaviors and communication improves naturally and automatically as people gain this understanding.

I wonder what it would be like to grow up in a family where there was no judgment, and no negativity. The miracle is that future generations can learn how to do that! The explanation is in understanding how 3 simple Principles work within everyone. There are now books for all ages that explain these Principles. There’s even a book out now for young children, called What’s a Thought. There are free webinars and podcasts, available to everyone, explaining the nature of thought, why everything we think looks so real and how to avoid acting on unhealthy thoughts that will cause a bigger problem. As you read, watch or listen to these resources you’ll begin to see it for yourself. We call that an insight — seeing from within. Permanent positive change occurs through insight. By taking the time to explore further, you will give yourself the greatest gift of your life. You’ll see that love is always the answer and you’ll automatically find yourself in a state of love rather than judgement, just by virtue of finding out how the 3 Principles play out in life. As your understanding deepens so will your experience of love and you’ll notice the people around you will respond differently to you.

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I realized that my own thoughts were delivering my experience of anger and hopelessness; knowing that helped a great deal.

Photo by Bill Canfield

There has been no natural disaster, no war, no other slaughter that has affected me like this one. Maybe partially because it happened so close to my home, but mostly because I know it had to do with the human thought process so I know it could have been prevented if more people understood how it works.

There is talk of the need for security guards in every school now; for armed principals, for bullet proof glass doors and windows, for lock-downs and closer restrictions on who can purchase guns and of course getting assault weapons out of the hands of ordinary citizens whose minds can crack at any moment. All external fixes for an internal occurrence. No one is talking about the thinking that goes on behind the scenes of any action; good, bad, or horrific. No action can take place without a motivating thought. Whatever thoughts are on a person’s mind creates the state of mind in which they live in. States of mind are created by the quality of thinking within the individual.

I can not fathom the state of mind the shooter would have to be in to bring about such a horrific outcome. It would have been awful enough if he had chosen a nursing home with people at the end of their life, but to target a first grade class; it’s unthinkable. If Alfred Hitchcock or Steven Spielberg had even come up with that idea for a movie, they would have squelched it because it would be too awful for their audiences. Too horrible even for a movie, but yet it can happen in real life.

Of course there is renewed consideration of gun control laws; but even beyond that we must work at getting everyone to know, at an early age, that horrible thoughts will come to their mind from time to time, and they alone will choose whether to act on them or not. Horrible thoughts don’t kill or harm, but actions do. Every person has the ability to choose wisely, but first they have to know it is possible for them to choose wisely.

Anne Curry, of NBC news, used her ability to create something very touching in response to the loss of innocent young lives:

It was through the same ability to think, that Adam Lanza created an atrocity. We have the freewill to choose how we use our ability to think and it’s built into every one of us to choose wisely as long as we know that is the case.

We have the resources and the people, available, to teach others about their thinking  – that they have the power to choose wisely in every moment of life. They have the power to discern. It’s so simple and obvious when you hear it. We have the ability to recognize the feeling that tells us when we are off course. Unfortunately, not everyone realizes that. There has never been a better explanation that is so simple to see and understand, than the three principles of Mind, Thought and Consciousness. If only the shooter had known, this horrific outcome could have been avoided.

If the adults who knew Adam had listened to what he was really saying, they would have recognized the signs, and not have passed off his statements as “prepubescent ideas.” Talk about “blowing things up,” does not come from a high state of mind. It would have been so simple to spot if the adults had been taught to listen to the person speaking, and for the feeling beyond their words, and not just their own ideas and assumptions.

We enjoy the benefits of living in a free-will society, and of course we should, but no one learns the responsibility that goes along with the gift of freedom. We live in a culture filled with anger, hatred and violence but we don’t have to accept it as fact or as anything we want to spend our precious time on. Yet how many really know they have this choice? How many know that we can choose to feel bad and keep our minds going in the most unpleasant direction, or we can switch gears and turn in the other direction? We’re blessed with flexible minds. How many know that?

To think that this mass murder of children, at the beginning of their lives, could have been avoided, had they known how the three principles work within everyone. It’s so simple and easy to share and show others. Maybe now people will start paying attention to what comes first, what comes before the ability to have or use guns, before the creation of bullet-proof windows and the idea to hire security guards. It is the ability to create all of that, as well as symphonies, slaughters, and everything else under the sun. When will the world look in the direction toward which it all begins – the power to create within our own individual minds where we can pick and choose what creations which to pay attention.

Someday, another potentially disturbing event will be prevented because the potential perpetrator will have come to understand the relationship between his ability to think and his feelings and know not to take his negative thoughts and feelings seriously and thus, not to act on them. S/he’ll know to let it go or talk to someone about the horrible thoughts that s/he is having trouble letting go. The mother of a child who is suffering from his/her thinking would know how powerful thought is and would know that best way to protect her child is to do whatever it takes to monitor his/her thoughts and utilize whatever assistance she can obtain. She would know the danger in trying to handle it alone.

The best prevention is spreading the understanding that is available for everyone, about how their own thinking creates their life experiences, in every moment.

This is an excellent blog from my friend and colleague, Jack Pransky, Ph.D. on the School Shooting:

http://healthrealize.com/one-more-tragedy-of-the-newtown-tragedy/

Please RSVP – if you would like to be part of a support group to talk about how this has affected you. I’m offering this opportunity at no cost because I know it can be very helpful to talk it out and to foster each other’s mental health and resilience.

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Photo by Bill Canfield

Hunkered down at home on a Monday due to storm cancellations, I thought it a good time to take care of the personal business that I put off as long as possible — checking credit card statements, emails, movie reviews, and frequent flier mile questions. Things that have no urgency or deadline attached yet have the power to drive a person crazy when tackled in between two things that do have a deadline or urgency, real or imagined.

Is it really the thing that has that power?

Or is it our ability to think, that has the power? In fact, our ability to think has to be powered by the same life force that powers our heart and lungs. Our ability to think is accompanied by the free will to think anything! I learned this from Sydney Banks, who, in 1973, discovered that we all operate from three Principles: Divine Mind, Thought and Consciousness, which taken together give us an experience of our lives every second we are alive. Divine Mind refers to the power behind everything including the human ability to think. Consciousness refers to the fact that we are always conscious of what we think, it makes what we think appear as though it is the one reality. Thought refers to the ability to think anything. From this knowledge came my awareness that I could think about (reflect on) whatever I choose and I don’t have to believe any of it since I’m the one making it up.

I exercised this ability and decided to settle in and enjoy the process of taking care of the mundane things we all have to keep on top of in life.
I made my way down the list, letting out a sigh of relief with each check mark as though I had just won an Olympian award for most organized or best checker offer. Accomplishment can be such a thrill. I’m happy to have made up that game with myself, it elevates the mundane to a higher power. Why not? It feels better to do things that way and makes the mundane more pleasant.

It seems to me that we’ve been given the ability to be selfish (which is nothing more than thinking selfish thoughts and believing them, or not) — why not put that ability to good use? I used to think it was selfish to look for ways to take care of myself. I would have put finding a calm state of mind in that category thinking that the only person it would benefit would be me and then I’d get less done. Or so I thought.

First, It’s better for everyone involved when we look at things from the vantage point of a calm mind. Did it have to take a storm to see that? Not only does it not take time to be calm, it’s also good for everyone with whom I come into contact!

Let’s have a closer look…

Since when does being calm take time?

That sounds so funny to me now — I realized that it’s something I thought that I was unaware of thinking. It’s because of the Principles at play within us, that made it look real to me. I actually believed that I needed time to calm my mind — now that’s quite an idea to entertain. I reflected on the consequences of believing in such drivel.

When having to deal with customer support, I would get a thought about how annoying that’s going to be so I’d put it off, like I would if I were a kid having to clean her room or brush her teeth. Why do I think it has to be a bad experience?

All the things I put off until I THINK I’ll have time for them!

I realized that I made that up. It doesn’t have to be that way! By putting things off, the pile would only get higher and then I’d have a bunch of anxious thoughts about what needed to get done that I wasn’t doing. I would never consider if my state of mind was calm and if not, just go to a calm mind, and pick up the phone. In a calm mind, it was easy to make the choice to enjoy my time with customer service. Why not?

This insight came to me as I hung up the phone with an AT&T technician in Kentucky, named Samantha.We had a lovely time joking about how we all need a college degree in “Satellite Internet/TV remotely controlled interchange/exchange,” and a minor in cyber phonics —  we laughed; the whole thing was a pleasant exchange.

New technology can connect phone lines to TV and probably other mobile devices as well. I enjoyed moving through all the internet windows, with Samantha’s guidance, to find the page that showed me my incoming calls because the number I thought I heard on my voice mail was not a working number.

Since you can’t leave breadcrumbs on the internet, I had no idea how I would ever be able to retrace those steps without an AT&T technician on the other end of a phone line. I couldn’t help but wonder how long it took Samantha to learn all that.

I complimented her on her skills to which she told me a story about an ER Surgeon who was similarly amazed that he could do what he does by day and be completely stumped at night by a TV and a remote controller.

I commented that we all need one another and as our society becomes ever more complicated, we need one another even more. There is no individual human brain that can do it all. Even Einstein would probably need some technical assistance in today’s world.

Complicated societies require the expertise of many people. New jobs will have to be created for all the new details of modern day life. That remark seemed like a no-brain er to Samantha and me, yet a roomful of politicians may not draw the same conclusion. I wish I had asked her how long it took to learn her job and what her salary was and what her age was, but that would not be socially acceptable — or would it? In future generations perhaps it will. I chose to stick with my conditioned viewpoint that those questions would not be socially acceptable and I didn’t want Samantha to think I was prying.

She also led me through a series of steps that began at the Start button, cascaded to Control Panel and then to Internet Networking — behind that door lays the answer to the question: How many bars do you have? I know I’m being a bit glib right now since most people are quite familiar with this and in fact if I keep going you’ll know my age — or at least within 5 years of my age. I know a little but not nearly enough to keep up with the pace of technology today.

A friend warned me a couple of years ago, saying, “you’d better keep up with technology or you’ll be a dinosaur like the older CEO’s who refuse to learn as though they are better than that, and are meanwhile being replaced by their younger, tech savvy, employees.” The world has changed at warp speed; we can fight it, grin and bare it, or embrace it — the choice is ours to make. We have the free will to think anything we want.

We joked about how we can be on hold for 1/2 an hour and once someone actually picks up we’re then led through a maze, trying to figure out how to word the question, never mind figure out what the answer means.

Samantha told a story about an 80-year-old woman she tried to guide through a series of steps and the degree of patience it required because the woman could barely get beyond turning the thing to the ON position. Heavens, where will the world be when I turn 80? I had better keep up, or at the very least stay friendly with the Samantha’s of the world — they rule!

I wrote down Sam’s info so I could give her a good review for her calm effort with me.
Samantha  SL486N

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In fact, I didn’t see “me” at all. I didn’t see what I would typically see. I didn’t see my physical reflection, I didn’t see the person who wasn’t very clear in yesterday’s meeting or the one who got embarrassed making eye contact with the handsome stranger in Whole Foods. I saw beyond all of that, I saw right through to my essence and I fell deeply in love.

In love with the ability to experience being a human in this magical mystical place, we call planet earth, suspended in a Universe of cosmic energy. It blew my mind. It only lasted for a moment, I think I could have stayed with it longer but that was all I needed — a brief glimpse to remember who I really am.

We are not our story, we are the essence behind the story:

It’s the same for every human on earth. I couldn’t help but think that if everyone could have that brief moment where the truth was revealed – not the story we make up about our lives, but the essence behind all life. We would remember what a miracle it is to be able to experience Creation, as well as our individual thoughts emanating from the power to create a personal experience through our ability to think and be conscious of what we think.

How can you not fall in love with the mystical universal experience, we all share? That Universal experience is who we really are – we are the ability to experience Creation. We also experience the ability to create in our personal worlds, and experience our personal creations as well.

What does this have to do with our daily lives?

It becomes so easy to notice when we start to go down the tube of upset. It becomes automatic to catch ourselves the instant we feel “off” our mark. By this I mean, that when you spend time in the flow of life and out of your head about what you think life is, or what it should bring you, or what you deserve, you will feel calm and secure. It’s an automatic thing. It becomes the norm, your default setting and you’ll notice when you’re not there and you’ll want to get back “there” to that good feeling so much that you’ll take a straight line back, not a jagged one through emotions and upsets. Just right toward better feeling states. The cleanest, fastest way is to let go of non-productive thoughts that cause you to feel bad. Thinking about it won’t change it, thinking about it will only take us away from a nicer feeling state where we all function better.

Turning a glimpse of pure consciousness into a way of life:

I can’t imagine how these glimpses that help me in my personal world would happen for me had I not known that it is Mind, Thought and Consciousness that brings me my personal experience every moment of my life as a human being. Mind, Thought and Consciousness are the 3 principles that were uncovered in 1972 via a spiritual epiphany that a man named Sydney Banks, experienced.

To me, it was the Holy Grail that everyone wants but most of us have been looking for it in the wrong direction. Humanity has been looking in the world of form for the answers that are already within, invisible and immeasurably valuable to humankind.

These Principles, once understood by enough people, will definitely bring peace on earth. We each have the opportunity to understand them for our own peace within and to understand how we get a personal view of this mystical thing we call Creation.

In the last thirty years of my life, my understanding of these simple, yet extraordinarily profound principles has deepened.

What Sydney Banks saw in a moment in time, takes most of us a lifetime to SEE. Perhaps because to fully understand the depth and breadth of what was revealed to Mr. Banks, we have to find it through insight, not through our analytic minds, and we’re so accustomed to depending upon our analytic mind for answers. It’s not something that can be taught or learned, it can only be uncovered from the depth of our own soul — where we already know and knew before we covered up our spiritual essence with personal, conditioned thinking.

We can all sense a formless energy behind the physical world we know:

We exist in what seem to be two worlds — the formless world of spirit and the physical world formed by our use of Mind, Consciousness, and Thought. We can use these gifts in a healthy, helpful, productive manner or we can use them in a destructive, unhealthy manner. Most of us don’t realize that we also have the gift of free-will to choose which thoughts we make our own and go forward with and which we let pass us by with nary a second glimpse, knowing full well how destructive it would be to follow them. Thought is the bridge between the world of form and formlessness for humanity so that we can know Creation.

Mr. Banks saw that the world of form and formlessness are the same. He did his absolute best to show anyone who would listen. I listened with as quiet a mind as I could. I have had glimpses of the oneness of the world of form and of formlessness, and it is a beautiful, serene, magnificent experience.

Each year that I look in the direction of the formless energy from which we derive. I SEE it more and more. I cannot begin to tell you how much easier, simpler and more lovely it makes life on planet earth — you’d have to SEE it for yourself.

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What is invisible, yet incredibly powerful? What is at work all the time, whether we’re aware of it or not? What is the “mechanism” always available to us that dictates our every action? What is an amazing gift that every human receives at birth? What is completely free for the taking in every moment of life?

No, it’s not Superman!
OK, I admit it, not much of a brain teaser since the answer is right in the title — I just figured I’d use my free will to have some fun with you, which mixed with your free will, creates an outcome: You might be turned off by what you perceive to be silly and X out of this blog or you might get a light-hearted feeling and decide to hang in with me for a bit.

So one person’s free will affects another person’s free will and the synergy of the two (or more) creates a certain outcome. Comparing it to physics, one magnetic field affects another magnetic field determining whether the negative and the positive go forward together or the two negatives repel one another and go their separate ways.

Free Will is an incredible gift that we have at our disposal, 24-7; yet, who stops to consider it for one second? Not many, which is exactly why I want to draw your attention to it; so you can take better advantage of it.

It seems to me that the way in which we use our gift of free will determines the direction our life takes. In that regard, our decisions result in certain consequences, which ultimately create an outcome down the road apiece… just like the illustration of the magnetic pull of magnets, we affect ourselves and one another, but we humans have choices available to us; magnets and other unthinking entities do not.

We have the freedom to choose, the freedom to accept something or let something go. We can choose to be free from the bondage of our own minds, by virtue of where we put our attention. Just as a photographer can choose to focus on the foreground or background, diffusing any portion of the scene, we are all capable of doing the same with our own view of things, in the moment. We’re capable of taking our focus off what doesn’t serve us or anyone else., but how often do we exercise this capacity? If your radio station was full of static, you wouldn’t keep listening to it, or would you?

Through the gift of thought, we have the freedom to:

• accept the “reality” we find ourselves in, or not…
• accept or reject any “reality” that is not beneficial to yourself or anyone else…
• pick and choose which “reality” with which to run…
• blow things out of proportion…
• make something from nothing or nothing from what could have been something…
• take things personally…
• make mountains out of molehills…
• take offense…
• feel disrespected…
• do something about it, or nothing about it…
• make it a big deal or no big deal (NBD)…
• take it (whatever is going on) personally,

or not…

We alone choose

What’s really great is that we don’t have to change or DO anything at all, except — not trap what we’re thinking about — simply let it move through us naturally; like the wind moves through tree leaves or waves move through the ocean. We wouldn’t want to trap a tornado in place – yet we sometimes do just that with our own minds. Does that make sense? It’s one thing if you’re studying information for a test, it’s another thing if you’re bothering the bejeezus out of yourself for no good reason.

The next time you find yourself in an unwanted state of mind, you might remember your free will and exercise it wisely.

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What exactly does it mean to escape reality? I’ve heard those words bandied about with some frequency. People go to movies, shop, drink, and get high to “escape reality.”

No one who uses a fix to escape can possibly know that the reality they so desperately seek to avoid was self-created. We create our own reality in every moment throughout our lives, whether we’re aware of it or not. If we can think, then we’re creating a reality within our own minds. There is not one reality; there are as many personal realities as there are people on the planet.

Even when we’re looking out at a landscape, one could argue—-well that’s not in my mind, that’s out there; everyone can see it. Yes, it may be out there but if two people were standing on either side of you they would each see something different, or differently. One might not even notice the scene because s/he was so absorbed in some other thought.

One crisp fall day, I remember commenting to someone about the beauty of multi-colored foliage. Her response was, “Oh I hate fall, it reminds me of death, all these leaves will soon die.” Now that’s two very different realities, side by side, taking in the same scene, “out there.”

Whatever we notice “out there” will always be imbued with our thoughts about it. What we see can appear as though we’re wearing rose-colored glasses, or gray tinted ones. What most people do not know is that the mind will clear, whether the thoughts are rosy or gray, and things will look different again, and again. We never know how things will look in the next moment.

A shift in our thinking is natural. We call them moods. High quality thoughts put you in a high quality mood. Low quality thoughts put you in a low mood. It’s really that simple. I’m not suggesting that you conjure up some positive thoughts – consciousness does not bring forced thoughts to life the way it brings our “out of the blue” thoughts to life.

Armed with the knowledge that thought and consciousness bring us a particular state of mind, our ignorance is removed. Armed with this knowledge we can navigate our lives with more grace and ease. We may still be bumped around a bit, but we won’t get smashed as we would if life came hurling at us.

Imagine being in the middle of a mental storm, simultaneously knowing that it’s a temporary condition and that we can simply observe it without acting on it. Somehow, these emotional storms pass a lot more quickly when we recognize them for what they are; momentary personal takes on reality. None of us has the absolute truth about any view of reality.

A friend of mine experienced excruciating pain a few weeks ago during an attack of a virus. He thought he had food poisoning. Later, after the pain had subsided, he admitted that if there had been a window up high, he might have jumped out of it to avoid that horrific pain. A few days later he wondered how many people had actually gone ahead and taken their lives during moments of physical or emotional pain, whereas if they had just waited it out, they would have felt better and been grateful not to have taken the contemplated leap.

What a difference a thought can make.

People who have gained a deep enough understanding (it only takes exploring the many ways available now) have seen how to access beautiful feelings beneath their thinking. This is available to everyone. It requires letting our negative thoughts pass through, unattended. That’s the best way to escape “reality.” It’s natural and totally harmless. Then nice feelings rise to the surface; where people are at their best. Higher-level characteristics automatically spring forth. People then find they are more creative, more patient, more compassionate, and more generous, not because they decided to be but because these are the characteristics fostered in pleasant states of mind. It’s a natural outcome. No technique, practice, or drive is required.

Think of this as a public service announcement and spread it to others. It’s knowledge we can all stand to know. For those who would like more information regarding the workings of thought and consciousness, click here. 

If you enjoyed this article, please click the Facebook ”Like” button..

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An interesting thing to contemplate, especially this time of year with holiday parties and all sorts of merry-making to take us away from our typical (hopefully healthy) routines. Maintaining healthy self-discipline can be a burden in the best conditions. So I thought it valuable to reflect and have a deeper look at what self-discipline really involves. Reflection often leads to insight and insight leads to sustainable change from within.

As I reflected, the realization came that discipline is everywhere in my life, from brushing my teeth to leaving my office in time to get to my Yoga class. Since we know every experience in life comes to us via Thought and Consciousness, we also know that our experience of discipline comes via Thought and Consciousness.

Knowing where discipline originates sure helps:

1. Knowing this explains why we have thoughts that lead us away from healthy discipline such as good dietary and sleep habits.
2. Knowing that Consciousness makes our thinking appear so real also explains why we have thoughts that lead to unhealthy behaviors or what we might call lack of personal discipline, that can result in

• eating disorders
• inadequate sleep, or
• excessive exercise.

Discipline is a choice:

Discipline requires us to choose one thought over another thought. Can you recall the cartoons where a miniature devil sits on one shoulder whispering in the recipient’s ear while a little angel sits on the other side whispering opposing thoughts in the other ear? It occurs to me that armed with enough understanding about how Thought and Consciousness work together to bring us experience, we can see that not all our thoughts are created equal; some are good for us and some are terrible for us. Yet we can so easily succumb to the thoughts that lead us astray. You know, that devil-may-care attitude to which we can fall prey. Intellectually we may know that something is bad for us but those devilish thoughts can catch us off guard and then send us sliding down a slippery slope.

Our psychological operating system:

Knowing how thought works is truly invaluable to us – it reveals our “operating system.” It tells us that every experience we have comes to us as apparent reality, as if it is an absolute black or white truth, when really it is simply the result of a set of thoughts. So if we think, “shucks, going one day without brushing my teeth will not make them fall out of my mouth,” that thought could convince us to skip a brushing. Then finding ourselves unexpectedly running into a friend who engages us in conversation, another thought might materialize: “Yikes, I didn’t brush today, I wonder if my breath gives me away?” The thoughts we take seriously and follow will always bring a particular outcome, whether in the short run or the long run.

What can happen when we don’t know how it works?

Before I knew how thought and consciousness work, I often tripped myself up with my own thinking. Now that I know that my reality is a self-created illusion – a personal interpretation of what’s happening, I have far more control over my choices, which makes life easier and gentler.

Imagine this:

Imagine being at a holiday party where your devil starts to convince you that “you can have one more rum punch; after all it is a holiday.” Do you think you would succumb to the temptation if you realized it was that little devil up to his tricks again? It seems to me that it’s not the original thought that is the real culprit; it’s the next thought that evaluates the first one. Is this good for us or bad for us?

Natural high vs. unhealthy temptation:

Self-discipline in life can give us a natural high. We can succumb to unhealthy temptation hoping to feel high from something outside ourselves such as drugs or alcohol or any addiction with negative side affects, when in fact, there is no greater high than exercising our right to take care of ourselves. It feels so empowering. Seeing the results of our efforts, knowing that the experience was due to us, rather than some random event feels wonderful. After all, we are the ones in charge of ourselves in every moment of our lives. Knowing that our thinking will lead us astray if we go along with it is invaluable to help us choose wisely.

Knowledge is the key to self-discipline —                                                                                                                                                                           the knowledge of what is creating our experience in the moment …

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What if I happen to fall out of love after marrying, will it be possible to fall back in love? This is a common question I get from couples who see me for premarital counseling. They’ve heard numerous tales of woe from friends and family. The old adage… “until death do us part,” has lost it’s glory, if not it’s meaning.

Couples fear the feeling of inevitable pain and suffering if they get too close to one another and something goes awry. No one wants a broken heart.

My answer is always the same – or at least some rendition of same: Yes, you will most likely fall out of love at some point, and back in love and out and back in again, perhaps several times. Why is that? Because love is mood related, and anyone who thinks thoughts, will experience moods. Bad moods are the result of low quality thoughts and high moods are the result of high quality thoughts. Get it? Moods and thoughts are thoroughly connected.

Falling in and out of love is an illusion created by the way in which we use Mind, Thought and Consciousness. These Three Principles are at work within each of us 24/7. They are working behind the scenes. Think of the process as being much like that of a theatrical production, in which there are those who are not seen, but they are crucial to producing the scenes of the play.

Thoughts deliver up our reality in every moment we are alive. We think whatever we think and consciousness brings our thoughts to life, though we may not even know what we’re thinking. Who stops to think about this? Not many; we just go about our business and experience it. It’s like what happens when we are immersed in a movie on the big screen just as if we are in it, “live~~in living color”. Then we remember, oh; this is just a movie.

The same is true in relationships. We can feel very close to a partner but will never actually be inside the others thought process. So, no matter how close, no one ever truly has the exact same thought experience. We each still have our own separate realities. In fact, even within our own heads, our reality shifts and transforms with each new thought. It may happen faster than our awareness of it.

What does this have to do with falling in and out of love? Everything; because our experience of love also comes from thought and consciousness, making loving as well as hateful thoughts appear to be 100 percent real. One day your partner may appear to be a monster because he forgot to take out the garbage after you reminded him three times. You might think that he forgot on purpose just to make you mad. When people are stressed, tired, bothered, feeling pressured, or on deadline at the office, emotional function may be temporarily impaired. This is a fact that affects every human being.

Given this explanation, does the idea of falling out of love still seem so frightening? Hopefully not.

In summary, here’s what I know from my understanding of how Mind, Thought and Consciousness creates experience: You will probably feel like you’ve fallen out of love at some point. It doesn’t mean it’s the end of the relationship. Because love is thought/mood related… You always have the potential to fall back in love. You don’t have to take anything you think too seriously. You have free will to choose the thoughts you want to entertain further. Thoughts come and go on their own.

When the heart is open and personal thinking does not take precedence, wonderful and unexpected things tend to happen. Judgements and expectations are not truth, they are thoughts. In other words, people fall in love when they’re not looking! It sneaks up and seems to come from out of the blue, but now we know; it comes (like any nice feeling) when we’ve gotten out of our own way!

I’d love to hear from you about what you think about the process of falling in and out of love and what you’d like to learn more about.

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Bill Canfield Photo

11/07/2011

Oh, the things we take for granted in life; like heat, electricity, hot showers and refrigeration. I was amongst the 884,000 who lost power in Connecticut, for over a week. 767,000 lost power during Hurricane Irene.

I’ve backpacked in the Himalayas for 5 days and I’ve biked the South Island of New Zealand, some twenty years ago. It was thrilling to feel so self sufficient back then. That was by choice however. When life without power was not a choice, things began to go haywire in my mind on day eleven. Up until that point, I marveled at how well I could handle it.

I’d lug my 40 pound suitcase up the staircases of friends and family fortunate enough to still have power. I left small items behind, no less important because they were small. A misplaced cell phone charger forced me to conserve on telephone time; forgotten flip flops forced me to get creative in order to shower at the gym, without risking foot fungus, by standing on plastic bags. I mostly enjoyed the experience of my mind creating solutions to new problems – until day eleven when my mind began to implode.

I began to feel sad and angry that it happened at all, and even worse, that it happened to me. I began to worry what would happen when the power did finally come on – would the surge fry my computer? I began to wonder where to begin first in my basement where three inches of water sat for over a week. I fretted that I was becoming a nuisance to my friends and family who gave me shelter.

The miracle of it was that I knew what was causing me to feel so miserable. I knew that my mind was doing it to me. Fortunately, I had been exposed to an understanding of three Principles that explain all human experiences. It allowed me to rely upon the knowledge that my scared, helpless feelings would pass, that human beings are resilient and capable of bouncing back when the mind clears. I could rely upon that knowledge; it brought me a modicum of peace. Then before I knew it, life delivered something new to focus on as my young nieces brought their beading projects to me to untangle, twist closed, or bend into shape. I adore them, they provide such delicious diversions. My mind cleared, all on it’s own, just as Syd Banks taught me during his talks about the 3 Principles that explain the human condition. I marveled at the natural way that happens. I could observe my own resiliency.

Through all the ups and downs of life, I now know that is the experience of consciousness bringing my thoughts to life. As conscious beings, everything we think in each and every moment appears just as real as real can be. As humans we get to experience an unlimited array of feelings and experiences. How fortunate we are to be alive and to embrace whatever life brings us.

I realize that the same conditions have been present in my life for eleven days; I’ve been without a home, because it was just too cold and dark to spend any time there. Yet the place that I always live is in my own mind. There were moments of glory when I thought about the adventure of it and there were moments of horror when I thought about what would greet me when I returned. The 3 Principles explain so eloquently how temporary our experiences are and that they come from within ourselves, not from external events and circumstances even though it appears that way.

Syd Banks would say; “life is like a contact sport, we’ll never get through it without our bumps and bruises, but we don’t have to hang ourselves in the process.”

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Kissing Bridge by Bill Canfield

9/25/2011

The night after presenting a seminar on the 3 Principles, I had a dream that began quite gruesomely but ended with a lovely feeling. What I realized in the end, is what makes it important to share.

In the dream, I was riding my bicycle alone, but other people were walking and biking alongside me. As we entered below a long bridge, a helicopter behind us, also entered below the bridge so we were forced to scatter to make room for it. I thought this must be part of an air show or a PR event.

It soon became evident that the helicopter had mistakenly entered under the bridge because the pilot had lost control and had no choice. Once it made it through the bridge, I could see that a man had become tethered to the helicopter and then it began to rise again with the tethered man dangling by one leg like a rag doll. The Helicopter then lowered itself and the man, as others rushed to the scene to release the man who had been twisting around and around as you can imagine, since he was suspended by a rope around his ankle. I remember seeing red which I suspected was blood. I then landed in an area where people were shooting at one another and I was shown where to take cover, in someone’s home until it was safe to leave.

Then I woke up and realized that I did not feel fear, or horror or anything, other than curiosity, while the dream was taking place. So I became curious about that. It was so gruesome why did I not get affected by it? I did remember having one feeling though; I recalled feeling fondness for the first responders and the human spirit behind that noble cause.

It then occurred to me that we all come from a formless, spiritual energy that was always here, it was here before us, and it will be here after us. As I see it now, we ARE that formless spiritual energy getting to have a temporary human experience here on planet earth. We can play here or fight here, worry or get angry; there are a variety of choices. The most important thing is that we have the free will to choose from a smorgasbord like no other, here on earth, in every second of our time here.

In that moment I SAW how ridiculous it is to spend any of my short time in fear or anger or disappointment or judgment. I don’t have to, no one forces me to; it’s just me choosing to use the divine power of Mind, Thought and Consciousness for my personal human journey here on earth the way I choose. It is my choice how I use these 3 Principles that give me my personal human experience.

I also realize that this moment will not last, but what a delicious taste! I know that by looking in a certain direction, I’ll have more luscious tastes. That direction is before the contamination of our personal thinking, in pure consciousness.

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