While watching a National Geographic program on Black Holes in our Universe, I became fascinated with the concept of the Event Horizon. Have you heard about this? It’s the term scientists use to refer to the edge of the black hole that will suck anything and everything that gets too close to it, into a vortex, making it seemingly disappear forever.
Teams of scientists are observing this phenomenon through telescopes linked by a super computer across the USA. It’s pretty phenomenal what humans are capable of and our capacity has evolved in leaps and bounds since the advent of the computer age.
Now you may be wondering, what does this have to do with relationships. I realized that this black hole theory was a wonderful metaphor for what goes on with relationships. Just as a space ship might hover near the edge of the vortex, so do we from time to time. One more inch, one more word, one more thought and we get sucked into a vortex that is much harder, if not impossible, to get out of. That emotional event horizon can suck a couple into divorce court in the blink of an eye. I’ve seen it happen to people. Then five years later they arrive at my office wanting to get back together and understand how to avoid hitting another event horizon in the future.
Just as space ships have to pull back before they’re sucked into the vortex, we can do the same. As long as we’re aware that we’re heading for a precipice we can back peddle rather than spiral down, down, down, out of control. We have a built-in monitoring device. It’s known as feelings. Our feeling will alert us like a blaring red light if we learn to pay heed. Our feelings will guide us. When we’re upset, frustrated, disappointed, jealous, envious, worried, frightened, insecure, etc. etc. Difficult emotions that cause us to feel bad are the alert signals and whether we heed it or not is our personal event horizon.
We have choices because we have free will to go in either direction. Just as the event horizon of the black hole will suck physical objects into it’s vortex, our emotions can be so strong that it becomes very difficult to stop in our tracks. We want the last word, we want to get even, we want to be right. But at what expense? Is it really that important? Would you risk the abyss of the black hole for it?
Words and actions can not be retrieved. Once they are out, like airwaves in the universe, they’ve made some impact, large or small. One wave will attract another and another while both people spiral out of control into the vortex and nothing will be the same after that. When you are about to allow your thoughts about your partner to worsen, you are at the event horizon. One more negative thought will lead to another and another and so on, down the negative spiral that becomes at worst, grounds for ending the relationship or at best a lingering hurt.
However, we are all gifted with wisdom. The wisdom that can be found in the moment that we recognize we have a choice of stepping over the event horizon or stepping back away from it, taking a deep breath and considering counseling or at least a non-argumentative loving discussion about the issue. This wisdom will alert us, if we know how it works. I hope this helps you avoid your own event horizons in your future.