I was waiting for employees to enter the conference room of a company where I was consulting, when I noticed a tiny booklet with a Gold cover. (I get distracted by shiny objects)
Dale Carnegie’s Golden Book – interesting! I think I have the book at home, amongst other books I never quite find time to read. And now, here is a condensed version. I realized as I skimmed through it that Carnegie’s “to do” list is actually a natural outcome for anyone who REALLY knows that their experience always comes from their own thinking. I would say some of the things on Carnegie’s list differently however; i.e. instead of “expect ingratitude,” I would say: don’t expect gratitude for your good deeds, but you can feel gratitude for your own experience of having done a good deed; something like that.
Don’t feel like you have to read Dale Carnegie’s list below, but I wrote it here in case you’d like to see it. Maybe, at this point, you have enough understanding of the 3 Principles to see what I mean about these “characteristics” being automatic when you truly SEE that experience is your own thoughts, and also why the 3 Principles are referred to as an inside-out phenomenon.
From Dale Carnegie:
Cultivate a Mental Attitude That Will Bring You Peace and Happiness:
1) Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage health and hope
2) Never try to get even with your enemies
3) Expect ingratitude
4) Count your blessings – not your troubles
5) Do not imitate others
6) Try to profit from your losses
7) Create happiness for others
How to Win Friends and Influence People:
1) Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
2) Give honest, sincere appreciation
3) Arouse in the other person an eager want
4) Become genuinely interested in other people
6) Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important
sound in any language
7) Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
8) Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
9) Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely
10) the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
11) Show respect for the other person’s opinion Never say, “you’re wrong.”
12) If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
13) Begin in a friendly way
14) Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately
15) Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
16) Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
18) Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
19) Appeal to the nobler motives
20) Dramatize your ideas
21) Throw down a challenge
22) Begin with a praise and honest appreciation
23) Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
24) Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
25) Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
26) Let the other person save face
27) Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
28) Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
29) Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
30) Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
It was the ability to create (ideas, inspiration) through the gift of thought that allowed Dale Carnegie to come up with his “to do” list. Life is so much easier and more enjoyable when these things are the natural outcome for anyone who takes the time to understand the Three Principles. When you do that, there are no lists to follow or remember or read over and over to make it sink in because it’s already inside of you, ready to come out.
I didn’t get what I wanted in life. I didn’t get an ivy league education, (the intelligence to support that even if I had been able to afford it,) a life-long husband, children, wealth, a gorgeous face and killer body, or a house (with or without picket fence). What I did get was so far beyond my wildest dreams that I never could have conjured it up. I got a ticket to maximum mental and emotional health, and it has absolutely nothing to do with what I have or can obtain in the physical world: (husband, children, education, house, etc.)
What I have instead is a spiritual understanding that offers me an experience of life that is pretty consistently wonderful. I learned that I create my experience by virtue of the thoughts I hold as truth vs. a product of creative energy at work within me. Through the past 26 years, I’ve seen that nothing I can think up is truth, the only truth is that I am a spiritual being in human form, a part of Universal energy that is infinitely creative.
What a miracle that I get to experience this. What a joy. What a blessing to be part of this creative life force that brings formless energy into physical form.
When it comes down to it, our inner landscape is where life is lived. It’s really not about the externals, it’s about how we’re feeling every moment of every day. We’ve all thought this intellectually – many people have accrued fortunes, mansions, yachts and jets; some are happy, content and satisfied; but most are actually not!
The whole idea of money and wealth does not seem natural to me. Truly, money does not grow on trees. We’ve all heard: “What if money were no object?” What would you do then? What if we just followed our bliss, literally? What if we just did things we loved doing? I know what you’re thinking: The house would be overrun by an army of dust bunnies and bill collectors would knock on our doors because no one actually likes paying bills. Frankly, you’d still most likely get what you need, and you might even get what you want!
Using my own life as a laboratory, I’ve noticed that I have moments of being in sheer love with it. When that feeling comes through, I’m in love with every child I see. I notice sunlight filter through green leaves and purple flower petals. I notice light flickering like ballerinas across a stage; I notice dogs as never before; it’s my own state of mind that brings me these gifts.
I’m so grateful that I met someone who taught me how to be in the space of gratitude. I’ve noticed that gratitude begets more things for which to be grateful. It becomes an avalanche, but a magnificent one where no one gets hurt and everyone thrives. This is true for every single person on earth, and it’s totally free!