Before we get started, I’d like to draw your attention to something. It’s best to empty your mind of anything you previously thought in order to get the most from this post*, and from all of my other posts, in fact.
Now, let’s talk about relationships. They sure can be tricky. A case of he said, she said, and who’s on third. Did anyone mention misunderstanding? Just try browsing through Webster someday, for a mind numbing experience. There are so many meanings for the same word. Then add voice inflection, facial expression, and assumed intention to the mix, and well, you can certainly get all mixed up. Are you wondering, what does all this have to do with relationships?
Consider the fact that relationships actually take place inside our own heads. Life is comprised of thoughts about our life. We’re inside our own heads every moment of every day, so how could it be any other way? Remember the scene in Woody Allen’s movie, Annie Hall, where he and Diane Keaton are on a date, walking side by side in silence? The narrative is what is going on separately in each of their minds.
Whenever anyone is face to face with us, on the phone with us, emailing us, or even chatting live, an exchange of thought takes place. Even when we are silent while in an others presence, there are thoughts being thought in each person’s mind. When you’re with someone, and something other than that person is on your mind, you might inadvertently anger the person because your mind is devoid of thought about this person who wants to be thought of, by you. As though you could help not having them on your mind when they’re not on your mind. Most of us have had the experience of upsetting someone because we didn’t take that individual into consideration in an expected way. What about the fact that the person got upset at us? Might that seem inconsiderate?
If we could have thought ahead and known that we would have been better off had we considered the other, of course we would have. It’s rather like pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. We think what we think when we think it. We can program Outlook Express to remind us of appointments, dates and birthdays, but there is no way to perfectly program ourselves.
Consider this: we don’t really experience the other person; we experience our thoughts of the other. You may want to read that again. In other words, they experience themselves in THEIR bodies and in THEIR minds. We have an experience of them in OUR bodies and in OUR minds. Therefore, if you were to say: “I know you better than you think.” That statement would be inaccurate. What you “know” of the other person is your experience of them in your own mind.
Now, what would it be like if we could take a deep breath, bring ourselves back into the moment and dive down deep into our innate health where we get filled with compassion and we remember that we’re all built the same? Yes, our egos get in our way from time to time and we sometimes get caught up in a bunch of preconceived notions and lose sight of the big picture. But the truth is, we all have the capacity to return to our innate health, where our state of mind is high and life is again joyful. When you realize that’s true because you’ve experienced it yourself, it’s easy to wait for the other person to find it again too; Given half a chance, it will happen. Silence with a strong dose of warmth and a pinch of compassion truly can be golden.
*These posts are written in a way that enables you to receive insights into your own life. With that said, there is a way to read them that is quieter and reflective, allowing us to absorb them in a new way. Most of us skim articles for facts and look for sound bites to take with us. These posts however, are meant to be read slowly, in order to bring the insights out from inside of you. Once that happens, the useful things you found while reading, will never be lost; because they were and are yours. It might take a few more moments to read and reflect, but you’ll get much more out of in the long run.
* How to prepare yourself for insights:~ Clear your mind of preconceived notions.
~ Really clear your mind.
~ Pretend you’re from a different planet and you have no idea how things work on planet Earth.
~ Get curious.
~ Drop into a nice state of mind, devoid of negative thoughts.
~ Read as though you are gently considering what is being said.
~ Let go of judgments, comparisons, differences.
~ Let your personal thoughts come and go without placing any attention on them.
~ Read with a totally open mind.
~ Enjoy your ah ha moments.
~ Even if you don’t have an ah ha while reading, be open to it happening in the shower, during a drive in the country, or on a walk. We never know when they’ll hit us.
~ Relax and enjoy the moment.