Coaching For Couples
Do you want to know what causes people to split up?
It may not be what you think.
The 3 things that cause breakups are…
1) Misunderstandings
2) Communicating from a low mood
3) Believing that what they THINK is a FACT.
This may sound strange at first but allow me to explain.
Having worked in the field of couples therapy since 1985, I’m still amazed at the same patterns I see over and over again, especially since they are so easily avoided once people realize what they’re doing to hurt themselves, their relationship, and other people.
And it’s done innocently because they didn’t understand a few simple facts about human nature.
It’s painful to disagree, argue, and feel misunderstood, and unloved by your partner. Some people even develop physical symptoms from consistent emotional stress.
It may come as a surprise to you that couples often argue over different opinions. Yet, in the right frame of mind, differing opinions are interesting, and you don’t have to agree - listening is the key.
They argue over thinking the other has betrayed them by expressing a different point of view; as though they want to hurt them on purpose.
Why, you might ask?
It’s because people believe what they think, no matter how misguided they may be.
The 3 Principles of Mind, Thought and Consciousness explain this phenomenon perfectly. We are each designed to experience reality according to what we’ve been conditioned to think (our unique perspective) which is brought to life by Consiousness (awareness).
Everyone experiences what they think in every moment of life. You could say that we live in an “inside-out world” Everyone experiences life from within their own consciousness. It’s something you have to recognize in your own life, to know what I mean, it’s not something I can tell you - it’s something you’ll have an insight (seeing the truth of how we work, inside yourself) as we work together.
The things you think in a low mood, triggered by a moment of insecurity, ego, or self-righteousness (I guarantee that everyone reading this, who can be honest with themselves, will relate) can harm your relationship when people don’t know how to use their feelings rather than their thoughts to guide them. Feelings give us valuable information, they let us know when we’re paying attention to wisdom rather than ego.
“I am extremely grateful to you for the insights I have gained. The idea of stepping back from ego and focusing, instead, on the sacredness of our relationship feels natural to me, almost intuitive. It resonates with the deepest part of me in a way I cannot quantify. Much like dominoes, I sense this new regard for our relationship will inspire me to move outside of ego so I can deep listen, with curiosity and acceptance rather than agenda and bias, and this deep listening will allow me to rediscover Mike, myself, and the gift that is our relationship. I cannot fully express my gratitude for your part in this process.”
Have you had the experience of someone trying to talk you out of your thoughts or feelings?
I hear it often in my work with couples; “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
Most people realize that people are not responsible for how they feel but you can see deeper than that - we feel our state of mind; where we’re at in the moment; our level of consciousness.
However, telling yourself or someone else to think differently is not at all helpful. In fact, it’s harmful because it minimizes what the person is going through in that particular moment. A person in emotional pain just needs “a good listening to”
When people listen deeply to you, without judgment, criticizm, or expectation, it feels like validation, as though the listener gets you. I don’t mean this to sound like a technique because it’s much more than that – it’s based on understanding how the mind works in both the worst and the best situations, it works the same way.
We feel what we think from within our mind, as an individual, even though it appears to be the result of the words or actions of our partner. Actually; it’s the other way around, it’s what we think of their words or actions. We can only be bothered by something that is on our mind.
When people understand how it works (it’s like having an owner’s manual for humans).
Once you understand how the human system works, it’s easy to see a clear path back to a healthy state of mind where understanding, peace, and love always exist.
I love helping couples learn about their operating system and how to listen to one another beyond their personal misguided beliefs, ideas, and conditioned responses.
“Let your negative thoughts go. They are nothing more than passing thoughts. You are then on your way to finding the peace of mind you seek.”
- Sydney Banks
I assist couples in developing more harmonious, productive relationships, regardless of what stage of a relationship you are in.
Guidance and Coaching can prevent future problems. Coaching in the early stages can set the tone right from the beginning, creating a shared vision for a high-level relationship; one that is capable of withstanding the test of time.
Email me at lori@3principlestherapy.com to schedule your first session or ask any questions, and I will get back to you within 48 hours. Or you can schedule your first session by clicking the link below and accessing my scheduling calendar.
The Secret of Love: Unlock the Mystery and Unleash the Magic
The Secret of Love is a compilation of amazing stories from couples whose relationships improved or completely turned around just by being pointed within, toward their true nature.
These couples began to see how they were contributing to their problems from insights gained as they were learning. They saw how they could work with the force of nature, rather than against it.