Want to Know How to Have the Best Valentine’s Day Ever?
Valentine’s Day can be fraught with unmet expectations, disappointments, pressures, and dissatisfied egos. On the other hand, it can be enjoyed as a day set aside to honor and rejoice in the magnificent human capacity to feel love.
Regardless of the current state of your relationship, and even if you are not currently in a relationship, you can have the best Valentine’s Day ever! Seriously, it’s not only possible, it is probable, when you understand how the three principles work within everyone, to bring them their unique, moment to moment, experience of life.
In over thirty years of providing couples therapy, I have found, without a doubt, that my couples who spend some time on websites that describe these principles (I will provide links at the end of this blog) improve their relationships faster when they supplement their couples counseling with reading and webinar viewing.
In this blog, I will give you my rationale and some examples of what it was like for people (including myself) before and after understanding these principles.
I think most of us have experienced a dismal and disappointing Valentine ’s Day in the past. I found some interesting facts from a google search: I discovered that there are mountains called “lover’s leap” in many states throughout America. We’ve all heard of people who have killed themselves over the loss of love throughout history and around the world. The principles explain how unnecessary that is.
I learned that more valentines’ cards are exchanged than any other holiday with the exception of Christmas. More than birthday cards? That gives pause for thought, but not important to go there for the purposes of this blog. Another interesting fact I found is that 80% of those cards are given by women. More pause for thought, in which we could assume a variety of reasons. What is important about these facts however, are the feelings and emotions that go on behind the exchange (or lack thereof) of cards and gifts, because that is what people experience, their emotions and feelings, as governed by what they think. You can’t escape those suckers, try as you might. You can’t even hang onto good feelings; they seem to pass quicker than the bad. Actually, these principles explain why that is, too.
You see, in 1973, a man named Sydney Banks uncovered the principles of Mind, Thought and
Consciousness. They are invisible powers that bring us every feeling and emotion we ever have in our entire lifetime. They are considered principles because a principle is always true and always works the same no matter where you are on planet earth. Much like the principle of gravity, whether you know how gravity works or not, it still works – all the time!
With the discovery of these principles came the realization that every experience, a human being can ever have, always comes from within that person, where the confluence of Mind, Thought and Consciousness takes place. This realization brings quite a lot, of what we’ve heretofore believed, into question. It also frees a person to experience more love with fewer blocks.
In my years of relationship counseling, I have observed that couples, who recognize this one fact, improve their relationships immensely. Yet almost all of these couples came to their first session wanting me to change their partner. Almost everyone believed if their partner changed; did something more, or less, or treated them better -- they would have a better relationship.
However, given the fact that it all happens from within each person it really doesn’t matter what your partner says or does! That is their business! In fact, their words and deeds will only have an effect on you if you think about it. They are the ones who will experience their own words and deeds because it’s their thinking that is creating it.
Most of the couples I see tend to think a lot about what they don’t like. They dwell on it, harbor
resentments, and hang onto past problems as though they provide something valuable.
We can only feel what we think. Just try to feel bad when you’re in the midst of a pleasant daydream, or the reverse – try to feel good when you’re dwelling on something upsetting. It’s an impossible task; you might as well try to pull yourself up by your bootstraps; an equally impossible task.
Our experience is always in our own mind -- that's where experience resides -- not in some outside, external, world out there. Your partner is for you, how you view him or her, in every moment; and that changes. We all have the ability to care more about the moments he or she is looking good to us and fade out the moments when they're not looking so good. That's the name of the game, from my vantage point.
From the moment I was first exposed to these principles in 1985, I knew there was something different to them but it took me awhile to begin to see how enormously helpful it is to understand them as much as I could. Over the course of a few books and some seminars (webinars were not available then), I felt increasingly more at peace. I realized over time, that I alone, possess the power to feel good or bad, depending upon my thinking. There was no one to blame, not even myself. I knew I couldn’t help what came to mind but I began to see how to navigate through negative thoughts so they didn’t have a hold over me any longer. We have far more choice than previously recognized.
Valentine’s Day can be fraught with unmet expectations, disappointments, pressures, and dissatisfied egos. On the other hand, it can be enjoyed as a day set aside to honor and rejoice in the magnificent human capacity to feel love, in all its flavors and forms.
You see, we have the capacity to focus on the effects of our thinking, or focus on the invisible power behind it all. This power brings us the ability to create the deepest emotional pain or the sweetest feelings on earth. I’ve gone back and forth between both worlds, at times caught up in negative judgments and then waking up to the fact that I’m doing it to myself. Then I’m in awe of the fact that I’m capable of creating such strong feeling states and that I have the free will to choose the thoughts I want to follow. I, for one, would choose awe over judgment any time I remember I have that choice.
Every one of us has the power to have a wonderful Valentine’s Day regardless of what happens or doesn’t happen since we live in our thinking, not in events.