Romantic Relationships…
Loving Myself More After Being Ghosted
Would you like to know about something amazing that happened for me after being ghosted?
Pexels.com Quieting the brain to hear a deeper wisdom beyond conditioned thinking
I discovered that I could love myself more — not from a place of ego, but from a depth I had never touched before. It was an astonishing realization.
If I could tell everyone I meet, one thing, it would be:
Don’t fall in love with me; fall in love with yourself.
By “yourself,” I don’t mean your looks, accomplishments, or intelligence. Those are wonderful, but they aren’t the essence of who you are. I’m talking about the invisible life force that animates all that you do; what some call The Life Force, Great Spirit, or Universal Intelligence.
Photograph by Drnadig - Fine Art America
Desire Without Shame
For many years, I judged my deep desire for a loving partner. I thought it made me needy or weak. But my perspective transformed when I understood a simple truth: no person or event can give me a feeling — only my own thought perception can do that.
Once I saw this, my longing for connection became magnificent and soul-deep, no longer something to hide. Longing isn’t weakness, it’s sacred - it is wonderful that we can feel that for another human being.
Unsplash @julenreyazcona
Ghosted, and Gifted
Even after years of exploring The 3 Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought — where our experience of life comes from —- this particular insight hadn’t landed so fully — until I was ghosted.
I had been texting with a man for nearly three weeks, sometimes multiple times a day. We had never spoken or met, yet I felt a strong connection, as if I may have stumbled upon “my person.” Then one day, silence. No follow-up, no explanation.
In the past, I would have scolded myself for being so naïve. This time, I grew curious. What was I really connecting to, we never even met in person? That was very intriguing to me.
The answer floored me: I was connecting to myself. Then a very powerful thought occurred to me: if he knew me the way I know me, he would be incredibly intrigued. That realization cracked something open within me.
Life flows through us—not at us.
I know I’ve read or heard that from many spiritual masters through the years, but it’s not until I have a “lived experience” of those words, that I gain a deeper understanding of how we really work.
A Deeper Love for Myself
Instead of anger or disappointment, I felt gratitude. I saw clearly that everyone is always doing the best they can, given how life looks to them in the moment. His choice had nothing to do with me; it came from his own unique reality. I had learned that my imagination could create a thousand different stories, but without his truth, they were all meaningless.
Recently, I came across a short video by Rupert Spira called “Fall in Love with Being Aware,” which beautifully echoed my new insight. I realized I was falling in love with my awareness, aka consciousness; my own ability to experience feelings, which can only come from within myself. That gift is not unique to me alone, it is how everyone is designed, whether they realize it or not.
I loved my feelings of appreciation for a man who cherished his mother. I loved my feelings of sweetness when he shared intimate stories. I loved my feelings of respect for a man who had worked so hard to succeed. I loved realizing that my own gifts — like my commitment to follow through and be honest — are something to be cherished. Not everyone shares that gift, and that’s okay.
My hearing loss, taught me to listen more deeply, it became a “perfect misfortune,” and I realized my gift of deep listening wasn’t something everyone shared either. Seeing this in myself deepened my self-love beyond measure.
Loneliness and Connection
I didn’t even feel disappointment—a word I used to joke that disappointment should be my middle name. This time, expectation had fallen away. Loneliness no longer lingers. And while I still long for a partner, I trust that connection will happen when it happens — when energies intersect on the same wavelength? Perhaps physics could explain it, or perhaps it belongs entirely to the spiritual realm.
From the Inside Out
Here’s what I’ve come to know for sure:
Life is an inside-out experience,
and realizing this fact of life, changes everything;
from how we love others to how we finally learn to love ourselves
We can never predict what lived experience will bring about a life changing insight that lasts a lifetime.
When we understand that every experience we have comes from within us, via our thought perception, our subjective interpretation, our conditioned response…
Then we naturally:
Stop chasing validation
Stop blaming others
Start loving ourselves
✨ Being ghosted gave me the greatest gift: the opportunity to see my own magnificence more clearly, and to love myself more deeply than ever before.
Photo by Issy Bailey
Reflection
Have you ever learned something beautiful about yourself through an unexpected experience? What would it look like to get curious instead of critical the next time something doesn’t go your way?
If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Feel free to share—or pass this along to someone who might need to hear it. 💛
And you may want to check out this free webinar on Romantic Relationships on Oct 6 - or copy and paste this URL into your browser:
